Let’s Go “Home” This Week On Once Upon A Time In Wonderland

Originally published on PopWrapped.  13 December 2013.

We’ve reached the end Wonderers, at least for 2013. In Once Upon a Time in Wonderland’s winter finale, Cyrus and Alice’s quest for one another also, mercifully, concludes. Plus, we’re reminded yet again that Will and the Red Queen are more compelling as characters and as a pair than the doe-eyed lovers. But more on that later because right now it’s time to go “Home”… 

As we like to do, we begin with a flashback. Alice and Cyrus watch falling stars and do a little cute flirting. I admit, as much as this romance irritates me, they do have some sweet chemistry together. Alice harshes on their make-out session by asking Cyrus about the compass he always has with him. Like Jack Sparrow’s it doesn’t point North, or in any direction really, except toward something you’re trying to find. Cyrus’ mother gave it to him long ago and far away when he was a human. So the compass is basically his blankie.

Before the pair can return to snogging, a group of marauders attack to capture Cyrus. Alice proves to be much more than a pretty girl in the frilly dress (again) by whipping out a sword and kicking some butt. And for her trouble she gets a nice stomach wound and collapses into her beloved’s arms. Credits.

In the present, Alice and Will are en route to the place she knows Cyrus must be heading. That might be a bit difficult for him considering he’s just stepped into a snare. Tweedle hears Cyrus’ attempts to free himself through the grapevine (literally) in the Queen’s garden and also spots his brother having a secret rendezvous with Jafar. When Tweedle reports the genie’s capture and his brother’s betrayal to the Queen, she is ecstatic and pissed all at once. Cyrus’ bottle is missing. Commercial.

Stomping their way towards the Outlands in the hope of meeting Cyrus there, Alice and Will first need to make a pit stop at the White Rabbit’s house. They’ll need him to dig them a tunnel somewhere safe to escape from the Queen and Jafar once they’ve gotten Alice’s lover with them.

Meet “The Serpent” On This Week’s Once Upon A Time In Wonderland

Originally published on PopWrapped.  8 November 2013.

After a weeklong break we’re finally back to the topsy-turvy world of Wonderland. Alice still searches for her beloved Cyrus but her Knavish friend is looking for a long-lost love as well: The Red Queen aka Anastasia. When their paths finally cross, you better believe heads will roll. Except not really because even though the villains effectively capture their prey, they do almost nothing to them and even freely let them go. We do lose a beloved character though and get some juicy scenes between my new Wonderland OTP: Will and the Red Queen. Also, we learn via icky hookups and daddy issues that Wonderland’s writers have been watching way too much Game of Thrones. So without much further ado, “The Serpent.”

We begin many years ago in Agrabah. A blacksmith beats and yells at his slave boy for taking too long with some coal. The boy cowers and as much as I want this to be little Aladdin, it’s pretty clear right away that this is young Jafar. He’s also pretty ballsy because when everyone else in the market turns away from a beautiful sorceress who wanders through, Jafar stares straight at her. He follows her later to her door where he begs her to teach him dark magic. He wants people to fear him like they do her and he wants revenge on the Sultan. Jafar is supposedly the Sultan’s son but was cast out for being a bastard and now he wants some payback. Whoa this got Game of Thrones-y real quick. Credits.

In the Red Queen’s palace, Jafar materializes with some new perfectly coiffed hair. He’s perturbed that she didn’t tell him about the Knave but she brushes it off. The Knave coming with Alice wasn’t intentional but he was helpful in getting the girl to Wonderland. Now that he’s served his purpose though, Jafar is ready to eliminate him. Judging by the look on her face, the Red Queen might have some issues with that.

Hey speaking of issues, Will and Alice are arguing again, now about the Red Queen and the White Rabbit. Will wants to fool the Rabbit into telling them everything but Alice would rather hold the bunny over a cliff. Some debt collectors sent by the Caterpillar interrupt their exhaustingly boring bickering. When Alice stupidly asks what they should do, Will quips, “Well basically we could die or we could run.” Running quickly turns to Will volunteering as a distraction to lead the Collectors away from Alice, which works quite well.

While his love plays hide and seek in the forest, Cyrus grovels in his cage for a scrap of food. Even a bone would suffice, he pleads. A guard takes pity, for…reasons. But Cyrus didn’t want the food after all, just the wishbone.

Back to the forest, Will is feeling pretty proud of himself for evading the Collectors until he sees that they have all been knocked out. The Red Queen appears to greet her old lover.

In Agrabah, grown up Jafar is being happily entertained by the stories of his goat herder. After giving the man some wine in thanks for his hard work, Jafar goes indoors to complain to Mistress Dark Sorceress about wanting to learn the spells in her book (if you know what I mean). This includes a spell that requires a human liver… which she’s just procured for them from Jafar’s goat herder friend, who is slowly being poisoned by the wine. Mistress Dark Sorceress gives Jafar a creepy analogy about them being like snakes who need to shed their skin and asks him if he’s ready to be reborn. Just as Jafar sets down the poison’s antidote, the man dies. Dark Sorceress #1 congratulates Jafar on being reborn and they celebrate by making out. So many levels of ewewewewew!