We’ve reached the end Wonderers, at least for 2013. In Once Upon a Time in Wonderland’s winter finale, Cyrus and Alice’s quest for one another also, mercifully, concludes. Plus, we’re reminded yet again that Will and the Red Queen are more compelling as characters and as a pair than the doe-eyed lovers. But more on that later because right now it’s time to go “Home”…
As we like to do, we begin with a flashback. Alice and Cyrus watch falling stars and do a little cute flirting. I admit, as much as this romance irritates me, they do have some sweet chemistry together. Alice harshes on their make-out session by asking Cyrus about the compass he always has with him. Like Jack Sparrow’s it doesn’t point North, or in any direction really, except toward something you’re trying to find. Cyrus’ mother gave it to him long ago and far away when he was a human. So the compass is basically his blankie.
Before the pair can return to snogging, a group of marauders attack to capture Cyrus. Alice proves to be much more than a pretty girl in the frilly dress (again) by whipping out a sword and kicking some butt. And for her trouble she gets a nice stomach wound and collapses into her beloved’s arms. Credits.
In the present, Alice and Will are en route to the place she knows Cyrus must be heading. That might be a bit difficult for him considering he’s just stepped into a snare. Tweedle hears Cyrus’ attempts to free himself through the grapevine (literally) in the Queen’s garden and also spots his brother having a secret rendezvous with Jafar. When Tweedle reports the genie’s capture and his brother’s betrayal to the Queen, she is ecstatic and pissed all at once. Cyrus’ bottle is missing. Commercial.
Stomping their way towards the Outlands in the hope of meeting Cyrus there, Alice and Will first need to make a pit stop at the White Rabbit’s house. They’ll need him to dig them a tunnel somewhere safe to escape from the Queen and Jafar once they’ve gotten Alice’s lover with them.
Flashback. Cyrus brings the now unconscious Alice to the Rabbit’s home for help healing her. Rabbit’s hippie wife sets to work. This scene really reminds me of the My Little Pony episode, “Bridle Gossip”, when the zebra comes to town and makes a potion… No Ponies fans? Ok, don’t mind me then…
Jafar plays a fun game of “One of These Things is Not Like the Other” when comparing Cyrus’ bottle to the other two in his collection. It’s a fake! And just like a woman discovering her 24-carat gold ring has turned her finger green, Jafar throws an epic tantrum knowing that the Red Queen has outsmarted him and then some. Commercial.
At the Rabbit’s home, Alice doesn’t wait for an invitation before kicking down the door. The despondent bunny apologizes for betraying everyone but can’t tunnel Alice, Cyrus, and Will home because Queenie has his family. Not the baby bunnies! Alice is sympathetic, of course, and, after an elbow in the ribs, so is Will. “Me too. I also apparently understand,” he says. Will even decides to help with rescuing Rabbit’s family by taking them somewhere he thinks Anastasia might stash something important.
That place is their old wagon, where Anastasia keeps all of her past life relics and anything else precious to her: Dresses, knickknacks, and that all important genie bottle. Now she’s got the bottle and the genie, which she picked up while he was still hanging around.
While Anastasia dodges Cyrus’ questions about her past, in a flashback the Rabbit is questioning Cyrus’ plans for the future. A life in the forest might suit Alice now but everyone deserves a real home to return to. Though the genie protests that they are each other’s home (gag), the Rabbit gets him thinking.
Back to the present, Jafar storms the Queen’s castle but finds it completely empty. At least the Queen left him a big red present with his name on it! Inside two-timing Tweedle’s head says, “I think she’s on to us.” Heh. The sorcerer turns into a sniffer dog and takes one of the Queen’s hairs to track her. Then he blows up her awesome chess piece castle for the heck of it. I feel like there’s a checkmate joke in here somewhere… Commercial.
The Queen warns Cyrus that either they find Alice first or Jafar does. It’s up to him to decide. The genie tries to get her to open up about her heart’s truest wish. She gives it to him: “I wish for you to shut up.” I am really starting to like her.
In the past, Cyrus visits The Caterpillar for help making someone disappear. He offers his blankie, I mean, compass as payment.
Arriving at his former happy home, Will goes inside the wagon to check for Rabbit’s family. He finds them as well as the empty bottle box. Side note: Rabbit’s family is some of the most disturbingly bad CGI to date on this show. They look very, very wrong, especially when standing next to him.
In his dungeon, Jafar is doing his CSI audition by examining the Queen’s hair. He uses it to conjure the Smoke Monster from Lost to find the Queen and kill her. This seems like the least efficient plan he’s had yet but the guy does have style, I’ll give him that. Commercial.
In our final flashback, the genie and his beau take a midnight stroll to talk about their dangerous life. Alice brushes off his concerns, saying, “The only thing that could hurt me is being apart from you.” Groan. This was just what Cyrus was hoping to hear though because he quickly reveals an invisible luxury tent for them to call home.
It’s here that Alice and friends arrive in the present and soon enough so does Cyrus. The lovers embrace at last and share a kiss before the Queen butts in. Maybe she wants to double date. Commercial.
Will isn’t moved by this emotional and long-time-coming confession. He’s hardened his heart, saying he’ll never love her again. Devastated, the Queen keeps her head enough to remind them all that Jafar is barreling towards them with death and destruction at his command. They need to get out of Wonderland. It’s Cyrus who finally convinces the others to trust the Queen and the Rabbit starts to dig just as lightning strikes. The Queen deflects it with the bottle but it hits Will in the chest. As he dies, so does Alice, per the terms of her first wish.
But Will, ever the smart one of the bunch, recalls that he was promised a wish in exchange for finding Cyrus. He owns Alice’s final wish and uses it pretty perfectly. “I wish to end Alice’s suffering.” Just like that, Cyrus is free and human, Alice is alive and the storm is gone. But so is Will. Yep, he’s the new genie in a bottle, a bottle that is hurtling over a waterfall. Realizing all of this, Will says his favorite catchphrase. All together now: “Ah bloody hell!”
Rabbit Trails
The Queen in rapid-fire delivery to the good Tweedle, who is apologizing for his brother’s betrayal: “No need for apologies! Now leave before I kill the messenger!”
My watching buddy, when the Rabbit’s wife appears: “Why is Whoopi Goldberg here?” She’s right; The Viewco-host voices the healer bunny.
I’m very proud of Wonderland for continuing with the idea of the Red Queen being much cleverer than she appears, as she said. I was all prepared to rant about how she kept Cyrus’ bottle in plain sight and not under any kind of lock and key. Well played, Wonderland.
Why can’t Cyrus escape when he’s in the Queen’s wagon? Isn’t he just tied with some vines, and even then just his hands?
I know this is a fantasyland where nature’s laws don’t apply but the White Rabbit and his wife only have two kids?
Emma Rigby acted the absolute hell out of the final scenes of this episode. With her tearful confession to Will and desperate plea that “There’s no time to fight, there’s only time to die,” she may have become my new favorite Wonderland character.
Wonderland doesn’t return until March 8, 2014 but I have never been more excited to see where this show is going. This first half of the season has been slow, muddled, and more than a little exasperating. But a big high five to the creative team for ending on their strongest episode to date. Let’s keep this going in March, Wonderers!
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